Entering from the End || On ALL NIGHT of LEMONADE by B

I am listening to “All Night” and I am in tears. I am crying from the inside-out. There is no flood, just pain (and healing *rolling eye emoji).



Since the beginning of time...
...whenever that begins for you, life was constructed on a series of choices. Whether in your world Adam had the choice to eat an apple from Eve (Steve? Ada & Eve?), or humans had the choice to dominate their sibling and now deemed lesser than animal counterpart, there is choice. There are decisions being made. During this all too weird, blissful, tiring, and necessary month off from my academic programming and work position, I had time to meditate and reflect, leading me here, to this poignant positioning of choice, will, and decisions as a forefront idea in these coming months.

There is much space for me to be angry. So much space to feel frustrated, and much space to blame others. However, that is too easy. I can also choose to reflect inward, adjusting my own self, my own anger, my own frustrations, and assuming blame for my own behaviour. Of course the world combusts around us with billions trying to navigate it all at once, so this perspective is a fleeting one, not fixed. There are many factors in much of what happens around me, however, I can only control my own reaction, my own decisions, my own choices. Therefore, I channel that frustration inward seeking positively to do something with it. Which is not simply "doing something positive" as we can do many seemingly "positive things" that we bear no responsible to or real stake in. In a way, I am owning up to many own fears (again), and connecting the very real dots as to who I truly am: an insecure, scared, doubtful child who has to overcome fear itself in order to live and not die, a person who fights to their death to maintain optimism in order to not crumble and fall before her time, a beautiful soul being gradually freed of her false sense of limitations. I take this quite seriously as I believe these decisions I make are literally a matter of life and death.


VIDEO FASHION: Fashion Mediation +

Writing this not knowing where it will end but I think I am served best letting go of the many things I hold on to in my mind. 


WHAT ESCAPED || Finding my 'Rabbit Hole' [3]

Every dreamer might once dream a dream of destiny huddled tightly in a particular idealized place in the universe. Every dreamer might once fail to escape the truths of reality.

As I pause my reading over at Shala's Rabbit Hole, a rabbit hole indeed, I stop to reflect on my own dreams I once held for New York City. We have a relationship, it's just one in which I am still trying to properly put into words. Vocabulary limitations aside, I seem to always dream in location. When I was eight years old moving from Jamaica to The Sates, my mom decided to inform me of said move, the morning of our one-way flight to the new paradise. I said goodbye to my friends and all I had known, with the same amount of shock they probably had, but a lot less sadness. I was stress-free. The concept of home would later become a constant point of contention. It was as if I had such limited time to dream, that it all came flooding at once. I can't tell you what I thought I'd expected at that time, but I remember thinking my moving to America was something I should be excited for, despite the fact that within less than 24 hours, I was leaving everything I knew behind.