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Since the beginning of time...
...whenever that begins for you, life was constructed on a series of choices. Whether in your world Adam had the choice to eat an apple from Eve (Steve? Ada & Eve?), or humans had the choice to dominate their sibling and now deemed lesser than animal counterpart, there is choice. There are decisions being made. During this all too weird, blissful, tiring, and necessary month off from my academic programming and work position, I had time to meditate and reflect, leading me here, to this poignant positioning of choice, will, and decisions as a forefront idea in these coming months.

There is much space for me to be angry. So much space to feel frustrated, and much space to blame others. However, that is too easy. I can also choose to reflect inward, adjusting my own self, my own anger, my own frustrations, and assuming blame for my own behaviour. Of course the world combusts around us with billions trying to navigate it all at once, so this perspective is a fleeting one, not fixed. There are many factors in much of what happens around me, however, I can only control my own reaction, my own decisions, my own choices. Therefore, I channel that frustration inward seeking positively to do something with it. Which is not simply "doing something positive" as we can do many seemingly "positive things" that we bear no responsible to or real stake in. In a way, I am owning up to many own fears (again), and connecting the very real dots as to who I truly am: an insecure, scared, doubtful child who has to overcome fear itself in order to live and not die, a person who fights to their death to maintain optimism in order to not crumble and fall before her time, a beautiful soul being gradually freed of her false sense of limitations. I take this quite seriously as I believe these decisions I make are literally a matter of life and death.

The many choices we make in life, the many decisions that have brought us to where we currently are, are the truths to center. The recent negativity that has been ascribed to call-out culture (most fueled on the social digital spaces we hate to love) is a wielding mess. Call-out culture has become a trend that cycles a viscous wheel where everyone is seeking to one-up the other. I assure you this is not the call-out culture I advocate for, I suppose I should simply say, naming truths, lived realities, and historical precedented facts.

I am moving into the phase of being accountable for my own actions. Less pointing the finger to those who genuinely have my best interest at heart, and more listening. Less over-thinking and more trial and error. Less seeking the better choice after it all, and more letting everyday decisions of the moment guide my trajectory into the next. This is my choice. Now here's to the many decisions to come that will make me stumble and fall, and those that take me higher. Higher only to land right back at the beginning of time, realizing I am not so big after all and with the struggles of today comes other struggles for tomorrow. That's like, literally bible.


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